We don’t want to scare our kids into thinking there are predators around every corner. At the same time, we want to protect them and want them to be able to protect themselves. Here are 6 things we can do to equip our kids to help them avoid or (heaven forbid) get out of abusive situations.
Respect Over Obedience
It can be very tempting to teach kids to simply obey those in authority. However, if they’re being told to simply obey, what do they do when someone in authority tries to become abusive? If all they’re taught is to obey, how are they supposed to resist what’s happening?
Instead, consider teaching obedience to authorities as an expression of respect. Explain how we have to respect many things, including authority figures, but we also have to respect our parents and their instruction and ourselves and our bodies. You can make this an ongoing conversation throughout a child’s life about how we show respect, what happens when authorities don’t show respect, and how respect works.
No authority figure should be followed blindly, and the concept of respect can be a helpful tool for kids to handle that reality.
Boundaries!
Another super helpful tool to use in conjunction with Respect is Boundaries. When kids are little you might give them boundaries like how only parents or doctors are allowed to look at or touch certain parts of their bodies (and even then only for particular reasons like cleaning or medicine). Another one might be to tell them they aren’t old enough to be asked by an adult to keep a secret. You can then walk them through what to do if someone doesn’t respect a boundary.
As a child gets older they need to learn how to create and keep their own boundaries. Parents won’t always be there, and as kids get into different situations they need to know they can set and stick to boundaries and expect others to respect them.
Knowledge about the Body and Sex
It can feel taboo or even embarrassing to talk about our bodies, how private parts might feel or function, and even what things are named. Some might even feel like it’s immodest or sinful to use the proper names for things or explain how things work.
However, God made all the body parts and sex as well, and abusers prey on ignorance. If something is so taboo it can’t be talked about, of course a child will stay silent when someone violates their boundaries in that area. If something seems so shameful it can’t be said, of course they’re more likely to say nothing and blame themselves. The more knowledge kids have, the more tools they have to call out bad behavior, resist, and get out.
Communication and Compassion Over Punishment
It is essential to keep communication lines open. Kids and teens are the most vulnerable when they feel they can not communicate something. They might fear things like rejection, punishment, or shame, and a predator will not hesitate to take full advantage of their loneliness and vulnerability.
For some this can be a challenge, especially around the topic of sex. Our instinct might be to lay-down-the-law, but this closes down communication which, in turn, increases vulnerability. Counterintuitively, approaching this as a two way conversation may often be much more effective. And where there’s places you want to lay down the law, instead consider a, “I believe this is what’s best for you, but I can’t make the decision for you,” kind of attitude.
Let them know you want them to be able to communicate with you no matter what happens. They might push back on what you tell them, and these conversations can be difficult. The more you truly listen and try to understand and the more you engage in good faith discussion, the more likely your kids are to communicate. This is worth it.
Loved and Valued
Teach your kids to see themselves as someone who is worthy of love, respect, and who should be cherished. Share this with your kids in word and deed.
In Genesis it says humans are made in the image of God. This means however we treat ourselves and each other, that is how we are treating God, so we must treat ourselves as worthy, holy, and deserving of love and respect.
Predators use people’s insecurities as a hook to reel them in. We all become insecure about something or other at some point in our lives, but the more we share how securely loved and valued our children are, the greater their defenses.
Set an Example
As you know, your kids often won’t listen to you… but they’re always watching. Your words matter, but your actions matter even more. So on top of telling them these things, you have to set an example.
Go back through this list and all the things you want for your kids be sure you’re doing for yourself. Find leaders who show mutual respect. Set and keep healthy boundaries. Keep learning about and respecting your body and sexuality. Show compassion to yourself, and find people you can communicate with honestly. And above all, treat yourself with the love and respect deserved by a cherished image of God because that is what you are.