Asking big questions can be hard and lonely. That’s why these tools are originally designed for groups to do them together. For the full version including activities, group questions, and more click here. For more info on how to start a group click here.
Problem:
How can we constructively communicate with and learn from others if we don’t all believe the same things or come from the same traditions? This is super important when you are deconstructing or with people who are deconstructing or if you’re just in a space where there might be people with many different beliefs.
Dialogue 1:
ASH
Why won’t you tell me?
THEO
I did! Why won’t you believe me?
MR. NAT
Hey. You two never fight. What’s going on?
THEO
She asked me what helped me when my wife died.
ASH
But he won’t give me a straight answer.
MR. NAT
What do you mean?
THEO
I told her. My wife in heaven saw I was hurting and sent a guardian angel to comfort me.
ASH
That’s not how any of that works!
MR. NAT
Maybe today’s tool for our toolbox will help.
Tool #3 (Part 1)
Today’s tool is to speak and think in first person instead of third person.
You might remember the terms first and third person from an English class. In a work of fiction a first person narration is when the author tells the story strictly from the perspective of one character. So the only information and interpretation we get comes from what that character sees, hears, senses, or thinks. You can tell it’s a first person perspective when the narrator is saying things like “I said…” or “I thought…” or “he told me…”
A book written in third person is written from an omniscient or all knowing author’s perspective. The narrator in this form knows and can say what any of the characters are thinking or doing.
It’s ok to speak in third person, but it assumes everyone agrees about what’s going on. But if it’s less clear what page everyone is on, it can be really helpful to speak in first person. This means restricting yourself to:
- What you experienced directly through your senses (like “I saw…” or “I felt…”)
- What you heard from others and who they are as best as you remember (like “Jim told me…” or “I read this in a study by…”
- And then any hypotheses or explanations you have (like “I believe…” or “I like to think…”)
You have to make these things clear in your conversation.
Dialogue 2:
THEO
I think I kind of get it, but how would I start?
MR. NAT
Well, you said you were comforted by a guardian angel. Without using any “spiritual” words, what did you see or feel directly in that experience?
THEO
Ok, umm. Every day after Jr. went to bed I would light a candle and, I guess, pray… or stare into nowhere. At first it just hurt, but it felt like the right thing to do, I guess. Then, over time, when I did this I started to get this feeling in my chest. It was like a warmth or a… I don’t know how to describe it physically.
MR. NAT
That’s ok.
THEO
It was like a growing peace… but it wasn’t peace. Can I say it felt kind of like a warm hand holding me up?
MR. NAT
Sure!
THEO
It wasn’t that, but kind of.
MR. NAT
Would you like to share where you heard about guardian angels?
THEO
Sure! My wife’s family were really big into guardian angels. My wife would mostly poke fun at it, but…
ASH
But now you believe it?
THEO
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t know if I really believe it’s exactly true, but I like to think it was something like that.
ASH
I’d like to think so too. Sorry. I shouldn’t have demanded you tell me more than you wanted to.
THEO
It’s ok. We’re friends. I kind of wish I’d told you more earlier.
Tool #3 (Part 2)
Questions of spirituality can be very personal, and it’s important to show respect even in disagreement. If we don’t want to share details about something, that’s ok. It can still be helpful to speak in 1st person when making broader statements like saying, “For me, this is how I see it.”
And sometimes people will just speak in 3rd person. Sometimes people do it to protect themselves from sharing something vulnerable. Other times people do it to try to make their statements seem more authoritative. Whatever the reason, it can still be helpful to realize that it is happening.
Asking big questions can be hard and lonely. That’s why these tools are originally designed for groups to do them together. For the full version including activities, group questions, and more click here. For more info on how to start a group click here.
Subscribe for new and updated tools as they are released!
Unsubscribe at any time.